Move over, BB, Bracket Girl has something to say

Bracket Boy was getting ready to size up the mascots in the Final Four — "Albert the Gator must be making a nice living doing those ESPN promos," our expert was musing — when his significant other came charging into the room.

"BB! Hurry! Packer is at the door!" Bracket Girl said. "And he said he wants to fight!"

"Finally!" BB crowed, sharpening his pencil. "I keep these brass knuckles in my pocket, just in case. Just in case."

As soon as our resident expert walked out the door to the lab, BG slammed the door and barricaded it shut. "Honey," BB cried. "Packer isn’t out here. It’s just a box of rocks!"

"Same thing, Honey."

Frankly, Bracket Girl had grown tired of our bracketologist spending all his time on the men’s basketball tournament, when the women’s tournament has been just as exciting.

"Actually, more exciting," BG said. "You had that impressive run to the Sweet 16 by Marist. You have LSU reaching the Final Four even after head coach Pokey Chatman resigned. And, of course, you have our Scarlet Knights!"

So Bracket Girl decided she’d become the resident expert for a few hours and break down the women’s Final Four ...

Game 1: Rutgers vs. LSU. "Wow. The Lady Tigers didn’t just beat Connecticut," BG said. "They beat them up!" The final score was 73-50, and that has to cause some alarm for the Scarlet Knights. Just like Rutgers, who lost Cappie Pondexter to the pros, LSU is thriving without Seimone Augustus. Just like Rutgers, their best offense is their defense. Center Sylvia Fowles has been dominant in the tournament. "Sorry, RU fans, but I like LSU in a tight one, 60-57."

Game 2: Tennessee vs. North Carolina. "Wow. This is a big-time game!" Tennessee has reached 17 Final Fours — an insane number — and this time has the best player in the country with Candace Parker. She had 24 points and 14 boards against Ole Miss, including one memorable stare-down. The Tar Heels have all-everything Ivory Latta, but BG said, "It is hard to bet against the Lady Vols."

The Final: An All-SEC affair! LSU is playing in its fourth straight Final Four, so the players are experienced. But the Lady Tigers still do not have a national championship. "And they won’t get one here, either," BG predicts. "Look for Pat Summitt to clip the nets again!"

Just then, there was another knock on the door.

"Bracket Baby?" the ostracized BB whined. "Can I come back into the lab now? I have to go potty."

Reader mail

Before BG barricade the door, Bracket Boy had time to answer a few letters from his readers. He starts with a brilliant idea from Sparta resident Matt Maccaro: "Don’t you think it’d be cool to have guest appearances in the booth by sports figures associated with the schools?" he writes. "UCLA: Bill Walton. Georgetown: Patrick Ewing. Ohio State: Jack Nicklaus. Florida: Emmitt Smith. Wouldn’t that be a lot better than Jim Nantz and Billy Packer?"

Bracket Boy responds: "Yes, that would be much better than Packer. Then again, so would a barking dog, a crying baby and Roseanne Barr singing opera classics."

Daniel Hued has a comment worth publishing. "I entered your picks in our ESPN.com group, and as much as I hate to say it, you’re in first place," he writes. "Although I’d love to take the credit since it’s my entry, but if you win, I’ll never doubt you again."

Bracket Boy responds: "Glad to hear it, Dan. My commission is 40 percent. Send all checks direct to the secret lab."

Uh oh. BB angered the English department at West Morris High when he questioned why a student, young Jimmy Kratch, was studying his columns for a journalism class.

"As far as ‘the curriculum at our schools’ being ‘not quite what it used to be,’" writes Jim Farrell, the journalism teacher, "I invite you to come and visit our class and compare it to whatever your notion of a high school journalism curriculum ‘used to be.’ I’m not a professional journalist myself, and a fresh point of view is always welcome in my classroom, especially from someone who is."

Bracket Boy responds: "Thanks for the offer, Mr. Farrell, but last time I made an appearance at a school, the class bullies ended up using me in a mean game of dodge ball. How embarrassing."