As a service to his loyal readers, Bracket Boy is breaking down the Final Four teams. Today: North Carolina.
Bracket Boy admits he was confused the first time he walked into the cavernous Dean E. Smith Center on the North Carolina campus. He looked up at the rafters, saw all the fabric floating peacefully near the air ducts, and asked his tour guide for an explanation.
“That sure seems like a strange place for a clothes line,” BB said. “Couldn’t have Coach Smith hung his wash outside?”
“Son, did you drink too much sweet tea or somethin’?” the guide said. “That ain’t laundry. Those’re the honored jerseys.”
As the guide said those last two words, BB thought he heard the sound of a distant choir singing. The honored jerseys. North Carolina has had some of the greatest players in college basketball history, no question. But he just didn’t remember them having (ITAL) that (END ITAL) many.
“Hey, I see Michael Jordan!” BB yelped. “Wait a minute. Jordan never wore No. 8.”
“No sir, that right there is Jim Jordan,” the guide replied. “He was a second-team All-American on the ’46 team.”
“Oh.”
So yes, the Tar Heels have James Worthy’s number hanging from the rafters, and Sam Perkins and Kenny Smith and Phil Ford. They also have Joe Forte, York Larese and Tommy LeGarde and ...
“Doug Moe?” BB said. “Couldn’t they have hung his plaid sports coat up there instead?
Jr. Reid. Eric Montross. Larry Miller. Dennis Wuycik. Altogether, the Tar Heels have 43 jerseys swinging from the rosters, including seven retired numbers – and soon, there will be an eighth: Tyler Hansbrough, the star player on the current North Carolina team, will soon be honored.
Hansbrough deserves it. He is emotional leader on a North Carolina team that has rolled through this tournament so far, the No. 1 reason the Tar Heels are the clear No. 1 heading into San Antonio. In this era when the best players are one-and-done and bound for the NBA, Hansbrough is a throwback to a different time when playing for your college was an honor.
“So Tyler Hansbrough will be right up there in the Smith Center rafters with … wait, Brendan Haywood?” BB asked.
To have a jersey retired, a player must win one of six national player of the year awards. To have it honored, he must be ACC Player of the Year, MVP of a national-title winning team, a first- or second-team All-America selection, or a member of a gold-medal winning Olympic team.
“In other words,” BB said, “there are a lot of ways to get your laundry on that clothesline. Hey guide,
is there a category for retiring the jersey of a famed bracketologist?”
“Well, I reckon we could find a way to get you up in those rafters …” the guide said.
Three days later, a janitor discovered Bracket Boy swinging between Jordan and Worthy.
The man took him down and then handed him six quarters.
“What are these for?” our expert asked.
“The Laundromat,” the janitor said. “This is not a clothesline.”
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