Owwwwwwwwwwwwww!

SAN ANTONIO – The cleanup crew found him in a trash can in a dark hallway at the Alamodome, a crumpled UCLA roster clenched in his fist and a gaping pencil hole in his empty orange head.

“Hey Bob, looks like somebody popped this old basketball – wait a minute!” one of the janitors said. “I think it’s moving!”

“Owwww …” our deflated “expert” moaned. “Memphis … so darn good … Derrick Rose and all that speed… Joey Dorsey and all those muscles … Calipari and all that hair … OWWWW!”

Yes, loyal readers, it has happened again. Bracket Boy has led you astray. He has picked a dud. He has ruined your bracket, embarrassed you in front of your coworkers, jeopardized the future of his bracketology empire, ruined his once-good name, humiliated his family and Bracket Girl …

“Alright already,” BB said. “I think they get the point.”

He picked the UCLA Bruins to cut the nets in San Antonio, wowed by their gutsy run through the Pac-10, their all-everything freshman Kevin Love and their Final Four experience.

He overlooked one minor detail: “Memphis is, like, really good.”

BB knew the Bruins might be in trouble early, when the Tigers raced out for 22 points in the first 7:22. They hit eight of their first 11 shots, and looked more athletic that UCLA at nearly every spot on the floor.

Then, there was the dunk from Antonio Anderson, the one-handed Dr. J jam that knocked BB off his chair. “He got more air on that dunk than I have in my head!” our expert yelped. “And he’s not even one of their best players.”

This was the start of a bad night for our so-called resident expert. Every time UCLA got close, Memphis had an answer. The Bruins had played so many low-scoring, close games this season, and BB saw that as a sign that they were simply mentally tough. Turns out, it was the sign of something else.

“The can’t score!!” he yelled from his press row seat, before a stadium official escorted him away for cheering in the press area.

He spent the rest of the game wandering around the Alamodome until finally, when it became clear that the Tigers simply were not going to fold – “They even hit their free throws!” – he became delirious.

Rose had 25 points and nine boards. Chris Douglas-Roberts had 28 points on 9-of-17 shooting. Joey Roberts had 15 boards and a huge defensive night. And Bracket Boy had a massive headache.

He doesn’t remember how the pencil ended up in his head, or how he ended up in that garbage can. He does remember Rose tossing the ball in the air and a dejected Love walking off the court with his head down.

Next thing he knew, the stadium worker was standing over him, peering into that garbage can.

“You look like you had a rough day, partner!” the cleanup worker said. “But at least not as rough as UCLA!”

“OWWWWW!!!”

E-mail of the Day

Let the flaming begin!

The first e-mail, received a few minutes before the UCLA-Memphis game even ended, was unsigned. Not surprise here. And it included a few words that cannot be printed, also not a surprise.

“YOU (STINK)!!” anonymous writes. “You talk like you’re hot (potatoes) all March, and then when in (really) counts, you can’t (actually) deliver a winner. Your picks weren’t worth (a penny), you (very bad bracketologist)!”

BB responds: “Your analysis was (very) accurate.”